He went on to talk about the fact that it wasn’t because he got retrenched, it was because he couldn’t get along with his brother whom he’s been working with in the business for the last 10 years. I could tell in his voice there was some deep hurt because of this so I next sought to “listen” and “empathize” with his situation. I said I was so sorry to hear that this happened to him and gave him some time to talk a little more about this. A few minutes later after some more casual conversation I decided that the time was ripe to move the conversation in a more spiritual direction.

Pointing to the three Buddhist statues he had sitting on his dashboard, I said, “Uncle I notice that you are a Buddhist…are you a devote Buddhist?” He replied that yes he was a devote Buddhist. I explained to him that I was surprised by his answer. I explained to him that I meet (notice I am putting this in the third person not focusing on his belief but others) Buddhists in Singapore all the time who tell me they are devote Buddhists, and yet they also seem to want to be the first in line for their lottery ticket. He smiled after I said that but repeated again that he was in fact a devote Buddhist. The other thing I told him about my experience with “devote Buddhists” is that “It seems difficult for them to really live out their beliefs because as a Buddhist, the moment you desire to stop desiring, you are still desiring something.” He smiled again…but his body language this time gave me the impression that his fortresses were starting to crumble.

I next wanted him to understand that people who call themselves “Buddhist” actually hold different perspectives sometimes and are unclear about their beliefs themselves. I mentioned for example that my Chinese Singaporean wife and I were Christians but that her parents were folk Buddhists and they have many different idols in their home and worship different gods for different purposes. I asked, “Uncle why do Chinese have this perspective of worshiping different gods?” He said, “maybe because they hope to get something more…the more the better.” I said, “But why would they ask a lesser spirit for help with something rather than the One who created them?” Furthermore I asked, “Why should they feel any obligation to these lesser spirits?” To make my point I asked, “Uncle, shouldn’t we have a greater obligation to our parents than our distant cousins?” He nodded in agreement. I further explained, “didn’t the Chinese emperors at one time worship only one God, the God of Heaven (Tian) called Shanti?” He acknowledged that this was true. So I asked, “Shouldn’t we feel more obligation to our parent, Shanti, rather than these lesser spirits?” At this point he retreated from his “devote Buddhist” perspective and confessed to me that he really didn’t practice any religion (though he called himself a Buddhist) and didn’t really believe in anything. I said next, “But don’t you believe that you were created…you didn’t just come here by accident right?” He reluctantly agreed (I could tell he even felt uncomfortable admitting this to me). So now I could build on this agreed belief.

I said, “Out of all the religious leaders who ever lived, which one do you think is giving us the right path to God?” He paused for a moment and didn’t know what to say next. I continued, “For example, let’s say you were coming to end of your life and you met Jesus and other great religious leaders and each suggested a different path, whose advice would you take? Wouldn’t you take the advice of the one who’s been to the other side of life and come back to tell us about it?” He paused to reflect on what I had said. I could see now by his reaction that I really had gotten him to think more deeply about these matters, much more than he is accustomed to. I further added, “As a Christian, I believe that Jesus is so unique compared to other prophets. For example, I know that Buddha claimed to point to the way, and Mohammad claimed to be a prophet of God, but that Jesus Christ is the only major religious leader that ever claimed to be God and then he did three things to proof this. He lived a sinless life, fulfilled prophecy written hundreds of years before he ever existed, died on the cross and rose from the dead.” I further added, “Now if Jesus rose from the dead he has power over death and if he has power over death he must be God because only God has power over death.” Then I asked him “Don’t you agree that if you are making decisions about the afterlife it would be better to consult someone who’s already been there to tell us about it?” He paused and reflected and nodded (as if to say “yes that makes sense”).

Then I proceeded to try to build heart bridges for him. I told him that Buddha did correctly put his finger on the problem that man has by pointing out how bad selfish desires are. I told him however that Jesus had a different solution to man’s problem. He didn’t see the answer as having to get rid of all desire (I explained to him earlier how hopeless this process is). I said that Jesus saw the answer is developing the right desire, “As a Christian I believe that when we invite Christ to come into our life he can change us from the inside out so we no longer desire to do bad things that Buddha was so concerned about, but we desire to do the good things that God wants us to do.”

I realize I had given him a lot to think about and he seemed reluctant to go further and since we were nearing my destination, I backed off of the spiritual conversation to talk about something else. As I was ready to open the car door and get out, to my surprise, the last thing out of his mouth was, “I enjoyed our conversation.” I realized that because of my conversation with him, he might be open next time to going even further in the spiritual dialog with another Christian. It was a good reminder to me that as Christian, if we are going to make progress with some people over a period of time, “we must give ourselves permission to sow and we must make efforts to till the soil so that we can sow effectively.”